


왓두아이콜유? [what do i call you?] | sookai ∞

by petitprincekai



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Adorable Huening Kai, Angst, Cute Huening Kai, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Choi Soobin, Hurt Huening Kai, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:02:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28845780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitprincekai/pseuds/petitprincekai
Summary: for hueningkai, to forget choi soobin is the most painful thing that he could do. so, he asks help to the brand new technology to do it.
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Huening Kai, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Kudos: 24





	왓두아이콜유? [what do i call you?] | sookai ∞

**Author's Note:**

> hi! >.<  
> my name is jihoo, this is my 1st english story! (just like TXT's Cat & Dog intl. debut, hihi)  
> english isn't my main language so i'm really sorry if there's any grammatical errors (by the way, i really think there are some... lol)  
> i'm really afraid to post it :)
> 
> this is based on TAEYEON's 'What Do I Call You' MV and lyrics. 
> 
> i really hope you guys enjoy!

— Soobin, you can’t do this! — You were gathering your things fastly and putting them into a box. Inside myself, I felt a part of me being put over there. 

— Kai Kamal Huening, I’m so sorry. I need to do this. — I followed you, while your body dodges through the mess of our kitchen. A cup broken on the floor, the one that I dropped when you told me that you were leaving.

— I’m begging you. Comply your promise, Soobin-ah! I swear that I’ll be better, I swear that I’ll be a better boyfriend for you, I swear that- — When I hold up your wrist, you pulled it, dropping me on the floor. My body shocked against the rug and I looked you on the front of the door. The moonlight was shining on me while the lamp over the desk was my only light. As soon you opened the door, the hallway’s light invaded my vision.

—The problem isn’t with you, Huening Kai. The problem is that I can’t love you anymore. I don’t love you anymore that’s why I have to go. Goodbye. — You spoke and closed the door, leaving me in the worst pain that anyone could suffer. The goodbye’s pain.  
  
— Soobin…—  
  


∞  
~~what do i call you?~~

* * *

Yeah, I know that it’s so wrong to say this, but, when I met Choi Soobin, I felt that here I was born again, a new me. Before him, my world used to have limited colors, as if someone or something was missing there. I wasn’t feeling incomplete, but I wasn’t feeling totally complete too. I was used to this feeling inside myself, to be honest. It was like when you used to play that games that you have to unlock the things that are frozen, like Sonic does in Sonic Generations. I used to feel like this. A butterfly stuck into a glass pot, living limitedly.

In the day that you entered in our friends’ squad, it was as if I was born again. Everybody around me were telling me that I was different, that I looked like a brand new person. Deep down, I agreed with everyone because I know what they wanted to mean. I felt the same as them. With your blue-colored hair, you colored my world like Van Gogh used to paint his paintings. 

I don’t know when I really fell in love with you, Soobin. I just remember suddenly being writing your name with my finger in the bathroom’s shower stall while I was taking a shower. Thinking about the things that you like e in those that you don’t like too, thinking about how beautiful you used to be when your blue thin hair was blew by the wind, an Aphrodite’s representation. Suddenly, I hugged my teddy bears imagining that could be you there. The feeling that I was feeling was taking me over, in an inexplicable way, it was like swallowing roses’ thorns every time they came alive, it was uncontrollable. In all my dreams, you were in it, since the cutest ones to the more dangerous ones, where you saved me from the danger.

I remember when I found that you were feeling the same as me. It was a sad conversation, I was so afraid to lose you, Soobin, you would never know how much I was. I remember holding your hands, while tears came down my face, asking you to don’t let me go. In that moment, in a completely sudden act, you calmed me down, giving me the best kiss that I ever could receive. A kiss that I needed, a kiss that was confirming our feeling, pure and mutual, between you and me. It was the best day of my life, right there, I felt brand new. I was being loved, not like a maternal or a fraternal love, but a real true love, by the person that I was loving too. I remember how like our hands was fitting in that spontaneous moment where our hearts was beating in the same heartbeat by the first time. There was the born of a new feeling.

Your first gift to me, a Polaroid camera. I was so happy, it was Halloween and you bought a panda head, extremely random, and I love this in you. You used to say that it reminds you f(x)’s Electric Shock and that’s why you want it to buy. When we were going to take our first polaroid, you put that damn panda head so it could get in the picture with me. I hated that photo, Soobin, and you know that. I throw it away but you make sure to keep it and give me back 2 months later.

After 2 months, you bought couple cups. It was everything so cringe, but love’s like this, right? On your cup was written ‘Bonjour’ and on mine, ‘Good Day’. I only can remember of that day where we drank 3 wine bottles e in it, three days after I turned 18 years old. We were singing a lot of songs, while the wine bottles were looking at us, empties and thrown on the floor, listening to our bad singing. On the rug that already had wine stains ‘cause of the cups that rolled in, we passed by a lot of artists’ discographies like Gwen Stefani, DAY6, f(x), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, SHINee’s Jonghyun, my favorite soloist, and we finished hugging each other while we were singing EXO’s saddest ballad. I could feel your warmth, and your chest was the most comfortable place that my head rest on.

I was in love, Soobin. A soul in love, inside a soft heart, waiting to be smashed. We used to hold each other so tightly, Binnie…

Further the Polaroid camera, I remember all your gifts e I still have them, all of them, I keep’em in a secret place. I remember when you gave me the Lover vinyl, our favorite album. We sang all the songs together and I cried tears of happiness hidden in the bathroom lately. I remember when you gave me Molang and Tobin, my favorite plushies. I remember when you took me to your favorite library, literally side to side from your house. Showed me your favorite book, The Little Prince. You called me ‘Little Prince Kai’ with a smile on your face. Your blue hair already faded but I thought that I was more beautiful like that. You stroke my hair, bought the book for me and wrote a dedication in it.

 _“To my Petit Prince, Kai. Always remember me.”_

I remember when we went to the amusement park and we kissed on the ferris wheel while the sun was going to sleep in front of us. You put our lips together and say that we would last forever. After that, we ate ice cream, you always paid mine… do you remember this? Our picnic in the park, the sun was rising up in the sky, and I found a dandelion. We promised together that we would never leave each other, Soobin… 

But, I don’t expect you to remember all of this, but, I make sure to remember, baby. The days where I didn’t see you was the worst, it was like I was dying. You were my first and only love, maybe that’s why I’m like this now, but, something in my heart said that you were going to be the only one ‘cause no one could substitute you. One year passed, and we celebrated. Parties, balloons, food and drinks, loud music and dance. We were happy. The smile on your face was fitting exactly with mine, like we were only one. And for me, we really were only one. It wasn’t Soobin and Huening Kai. We were Soobin and Huening Kai, together, against the world and against anyone who were against our love. 

Between park dates, kisses in the movies’ darkness and crazy things that only we both know, I was completely devoted to you. I was all yours, Soobin. Entirely yours. Because I loved you more than I used to love myself. Everything was better when I was with you, the world was more colorful, like your faded blue hair that were flying again, cause of the wind that was blowing in it again and make me smile seeing it. You were so cute, Soobin, so cute…

Our first travel together, our first night together… where the fire burned us down, burning us in a flame of love so powerful and hearty. I can feel the same that I was feeling in that night, Soobin. The sensation is the same. The sensation of being fulfilled. The sensation that the emptiness inside of me was finally filled, as if you were the last card of my house of cards. The missing puzzle piece of my puzzle.

I remember your smashed face when you woke up, begging to stay more five minutes in the bed, while I was begging you to get up fastly. You used to be just like a baby, and I used to love it. I used to lay by your side and admire each detail and inch of your beautiful face, touching it and seeing how beautiful you were. I still have a Polaroid of you sleeping, Soobinnie. It’s the most beautiful thing that my eyes has ever seen. Your messed hair, the way you used to roll in the blanket, it was so perfect, so cute. It was so Soobin.

I couldn’t see my life without you, Soobin. You were my air, my fire, my water, my everything. I were typing in my computer while I was looking at you, thrown in the couch, so loveable. And when we did our snowman in front of our house in the winter as if we were two kiddos? You named it Sookai, the mixture of our names. Right after, Sookai was destroyed when you hit me with a snowball, starting a war. I remember you lay down in the snow by my side, after we made a lot of snowballs. Your cheeks were pinky because it was very cold and your hair was with snow on it.

— You’re like the sky, Binnie. — I said, looking to your hair and you smiled, curious.

— The sky? —

— Your blue hair is the sky, and the snowflakes are the clouds. — You smiled to me and hugged me. The warmest place that I could be in the middle of so many snow.

Soobin, when we started to break apart? When our paths started to break? How far have we gone for you let me at 4 a.m while my tears were rolling down my face, begging you to comply your promise, the one that you did, that you would never leave me? Was it our day by day? Was it me that caused everything, Soobin, please, tell me!? I know you said that you wasn’t loving me anymore when you left me, but, I can’t believe it.

I know that I’m talking to myself while I recall all of our moments, but I would really like a true answer from you. I haven't seen you since six months, Soobin. I don’t know what is the color of your hair anymore nor the cereal that you eat in the morning. I look at the window where you used to stay every day after getting up and everything makes non-sense. As if I had stopped in time and you had let go of my hand. By the way, you always said that you would never let go of my hand, but, every time you were saying it, maybe you were letting it go slowly. 

I don’t know if your traditions are the same as before, I don’t have no idea if you moved on and left me behind, like a dusty book that nobody wants to buy. Like a forest that has been slowly destroyed, and no one cares. Like a dandelion that was blowed by a couple that promises to stay together forevermore, even if they know that it’s the biggest lie that they can tell to each other.

I hope you remind me the same way I remind you, Soobin. In addition, sincerely, try to forget it’s the hardest thing to do. I keep falling into an enormous spiral that makes me come back to the first day I saw you, until the last one, where I saw you leaving by our apartment’s door, misspoken, my apartment, leaving me thrown away crying in the rug that I, by the way, threw away. 

I always come back to you, Soobin. Always. Like a boomerang that always, returns to its owner instead of being stuck in the biggest tree that it could see. I always come back to you, Soobin, and it hurts me a lot. I just wanted to give up on you, you know? The emptiness had already returned to my body, the colors already faded away too. The sun doesn’t shine as the way that it did before. It doesn’t shine. He’s alone. 

I wish I had fought for us, Soobin. I tried. I really tried not letting you go through that door but you pulled me on the floor, demanding that I let you go. I wish to know where I could be better at, I wish know why you were doing this. But, you didn’t let me know. I wanted to recall all the memories like a movie on the movies while you were by my side watching. However, you threw it in the nearest trashcan.

Everybody say that distance it’s the best way to forget someone, however, for me, it’s the worst one. I wish you stayed with me. Even if the thrill has passed, I still wanted you, even if it was a one-sided love. Because I can’t stop loving you, Soobin, only this would make me happy. The colors would still be here, I wouldn’t break one of our Lover vinyls, I wouldn’t put a curtain in our room, I wouldn’t come back to what I was before you. Nevertheless, you threw me away, like a friend and like a boyfriend. We could still be friends, Soobin. What do I did to you that was so mean to you do this with me? You used to be my baby, my honey, my daisy, my bunny, my only one…

You were mine, Soobin…

And, that’s one more night where I’m sit down in front of our TV, zapping through the channels, searching something to make the time pass by. Unfortunately, I don’t find nothing and everything I stop at the cartoon channel, I feel tears in my eyes and I have to change it. You were making popcorn to watch it with me…. 

Between an ad and another, one makes me curious.

“Forget what you want, just follow the instructions of our manual.” 

That’s pathetic. Marketing techniques goes too far sometimes. I turn off my TV because I was bored and tried to sleep in my bed. The bed has been so big since you left and no one was there to steal my blanket. There’s no reason why I should sleep even knowing that I wouldn’t wake up with your face in front of me.

I was rolling in our bed then I finally stop, looking to the ceiling, noticing every crack on it. Looked to the moon, drank a glass of orange juice. Looked in the mirror, asking myself what the fuck I was doing, which, by the way, it’s a very stupid question since I don’t know what I’m doing since you left. Rubbed my face and sat on the bathroom’s floor. A flashback of us invaded my thoughts, we taking a shower together. I left fastly and caught the telephone. Thought in your number. I thought about calling you again, since knowing that you wouldn’t answer me. Since knowing that I couldn’t even let a voicemail, ‘cause your voicemail box is full, full of messages that I left there.

When I realized, I was already calling to that stupid ad number. Calling to it, don’t giving a what that was 3 am in the morning. I wanted an answer. From you, Soobin, from myself or from that stupid company that promise me that I’ll forget what I want.

_— Hello, welcome to the ETERNITY’s voicemail box. If you are calling us, I suppose that you are interested in our services. Unfortunately, we don’t work at night. Call again after 8am. Thank you._

Fuck. I lay down to my bed, dropping my phone off in the bed and hugging Molang. I was trying to sleep but, suddenly, I felt the wet from my tears that were rolling again in my face. Nevermind, I was used to sleep crying; by the way, I do this since 6 months. 

I woke up with my eyes in a red tone, which one was nothing new to me. The first thing that I did was call again to that stupid company.

 _— Hello, you’re talking with one of the employees of ETERNITY. How may I help you? —_ The sweet voice from the telephone said.

— Hello, my name is Huening Kai. I would like to buy your forgetting services. — Saying it out loud was so pathetic. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.

 _— Can you tell me the reason why, mr. Huening Kai? —_ I took a deep breath before saying it. I was tired of it. 6 months since you left me, Soobin. I need to move on. I need to stop walking in circles. I need to move on, it’s the right time to do it, even if I have to delete you from my memories, deleting this entire dreamy chapter of my story.

— I want to forget a person, a boy. My first love. Forget all the memories that I have with him. Forever. — I answered, with the most decided voice that I could say.

 _— Oh, I’m sure that we can get the result that you want. We’ll send you all the instructions through a letter, after the payment. Our company works in a very special way and it’s not painful, Huening Kai. I’m sure that you’ll not regret somehow. It’s a brand new technology but it already helped a lot of people. Today we deleted a scene that made a girl have a trauma in the future. We literally saved her life. That’s our essence. If you’re feeling insecure, check out our feedbacks, I can send it through your e-mail. We know how hard it’s to forget your first love, sir. Even more if it left you scars. —_ I thanked the attendant and turned off the phone. After checking out my e-mail, I saw the ETERNITY’s feedback list. I was so shocked, how many good ratings. One day after I made the payment, the letter with the instructions arrived in my home.

“Dear customer,  
The first thing we need you to do is to collect EVERYTHING you own that has some associations with him. Thank you.”

I caught a big box and put all the things that make me remember you inside of it. Our cups, our polaroids, the last 3 Lover vinyls standing, your clothes, your toys that you left behind. Our photobook, the teddy bears, your hair dyes that weren’t full, your drawings. The book. Everything was inside the box now. After closing the box, I read the letter where it said the company’s address, asking me to go there.

Before of it, I took a shower and put a happy face on. Not a really happy one, but not the depressed one that I was. Soon, I arrived at the ETERNITY’s big building. It was that building that was being constructed near Soobin’s favorite café, we used to go there in the sunset hour. 

In the building, I was in the waiting room, where other two people, a boy and a girl with boxes in their laps, waiting, like me. I was kinda nervous. My name was called first than theirs, and when I I stood up, I could see the girl cry silently while she was looking into her box. When I entered the lab, a pretty odd and old television, a desk with a detector and a chair, I was everything that the place could show me by now.

— Hello, mr. Huening Kai. Are you sure about what it’s going to do here today? — The doctor caught the box from my hands, putting it onto the chair, looking seriously to me.

— Yes, I am. —

— Great. Sit in that chair over there, please. Who is the person that we’ll delete the memories related to? If you can describe this person, it’s more easier to us. —

— Of course I can do it. His name is Choi Soobin. My first boyfriend. He’s tall, blue-colored hair, skinny and handsome. He’s a kind boy, his smile is so beautiful. Your hands are soft like cotton and his eyes are shiny like gold. I could say that he’s the Earth and I’m the Moon, spinning around him. — Flashbacks fastly invaded my mind and my thoughts again. Your soft smile. Your eyes opening after a long sleepy night. Your heart-tended voice. Your hand, letting go of mine — Erase all the memories related to him. — I told, after interrupt that spiral that would bring me back to the start all over again. Like I always do. The doctor put a helmet in my head, with some wires connected in, and sat down in your computer. Typed some things and smiled at me. She took out the things from the box. Firstly, the teddy bears. Asked me to close my eyes as soon she put it on the detector. I asked myself if I wasn’t going to be medicated or something like this. I didn’t want to see these things again. I don’t want to cry for Soobin again.

I closed my eyes and felt a little shock. When I opened my eyes, I could see all the memories related to the teddy bear in that little tube television.

 _— Hey Huening, close your eyes. I have a gift for you, baby._ — Soobin’s voice could be listened through the television’s speakers and I could feel it all over again. I was on the kitchen, when he came in and shouted this.

 _— Soobinnie… what are you doing? —_ I answered him. The memories had shades, as in an old photography, as if it was being deleted. Damaged, as if the fire would eat it up, burning it forever.

 _— Close your eyes, baby. Trust me. —_ Soobin’s hands suddenly touched my hips, and I felt the same sensation. Giving me chills again. I could feel a tears rolling down my face. — _Open it Huening Kai open it! —_

 _— That’s the cutest teddy bear I ever seen, Soobin-ah. I love you so much, thank you. —_ We hugged. In the television beside the old one, I could see **ERASING MEMORY** in it, and a loading logo above it. When she took the teddy bears of the detector, I felt my heart beats faster. I couldn’t stop but I know it was hurting. I need to forget you, Choi Soobin.

 _— You sing so badly, Binnie! —_ My tipsy voice invaded my ears when these two cups were put on the detector. The white rug with a lonely wine shade and two empty bottles beside you, who was laughing.

 _— Kai, shut up. Just enjoy it, okay? —_ I was laughing too. I was drunk in love with Soobin. Our hands intertwined, I could feel your hand’s warmth while I was seeing it again, for the last time now.

 _— “And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed… You put me on and said I was your favorite…” —_ Soobin was singing Taylor Swift’s Cardigan, I was smiling to see it all again. I felt like everything has happened yesterday.

 _— I feel like this, you know?_ _You did this. I’m your cardigan, Soobin. I love you so much because of this. You make me feel brand new. —_ You laughed _— By the way, have you already thought about becoming a singer? —_ I remembered what I said there.

— Your voice is so beautiful that everybody should listen it, bunny. — I said, among with the past Huening Kai from the memory. A smile appeared in my face and the doctor smiled at me, a pity smile, and the two cups were took off. I could feel chills every time that she changes the objects. I could feel her deleting Soobin from me. I could feel my heart crying for it.

 _— Soobin, can you stop and stand straight? It’s our first picture, my first polaroid, that you gave me. Please behave, I’ll save this picture forevermore. —_ I laughed. Maybe the past Huening Kai would be very upset at me now, seeing his camera and the first polaroid being deleted forevermore, like he said.

_— Okay, baby. I promise I’ll behave. —_

_— Strike a pose! —_ When I said this, Soobin put his panda head and pushed the button _— Soobin! —_ I got angry and he caught the photo that was going out from the Polaroid camera, the same photo that was now on the detector.

 _— Relax, Kai… We’re going to have so much time to take a lot of beautiful photos. But, look at this perfect photo that I took. —_ It was impossible to get mad at Soobin. He always made me smile. However, forgive me; these memories will not last long anymore.

Sketching in the notebook while you were facing your cellphone. A call with your friend, Beomgyu, and the panda mask on it. I draw you slowly, hoping that would come out a beautiful drawing. When I showed you, you laughed at me.

 _— Huening, I’ll save this, okay? —_ You took the notebook of my hands. — _I’ll make a lot of beautiful drawings of you, okay? I promise. —_ Then, all the moments were he drew me were showed. It was hurting so much; I already couldn’t stop crying.

And I kept like this, while the doctor passed by all the objects. Until the last one, our checkered tablecloth, which one we used in our last picnic.

 _— Soobin-ah! A dandelion! Make a wish, but, don’t dream stupid things. —_ I suggested it. The erasing memory’s bar was almost full. I could see the television all blurry cause of the tears, but, it wasn’t necessary. I already have re-watched that a million times when I couldn’t sleep, in my sleepless nights. We used to hold each other so tightly… I could feel it all over again, for the last time…

_— Okay Huening, when I count 3, we make the wish together. —_

_— 1,2,3! —_ And that would be the last sentence you would say in my dreams. In my memories. The last time that this stupid sentence would hurt me so much.

 _— I promise I’ll never leave you! —_ We shouted together, after blowing the dandelion. You kissed me and pulled me on the floor, while you ran away.

— _When you’re ready, come and get it! —_ You shouted to me, joking. You were running with a smile on your face, towards the sun that was rising up in the sky. I was running behind you, the heartbeats getting faster, because of the love and of the running. You ran away from me, Soobin. I didn’t caught you that day.

_— You did your best, baby. And I love you because of that. —_

After that, we run towards the sun, two teenagers in love. Two lost teenagers. You and me, Soobin. Do you remember this _?_

Suddenly, all the memories were rewinded. My head laid down in your lap, we both at the library, the day where I got Molang and Tobin, our first kiss day, the day where I met you. I could hear our voices distorted. My wide-open eyes was watching the time-lapse that was going to become. Until the screen turns black, arriving at the last memory. Like a train in the final station. The day that you left me. Suddenly, my eyes closed.

I could hear a noise from far away. When I opened my eyes, it was all happening again. Sitting at our kitchen’s table, I was drinking a cup of milk. I was waiting for you. You left the bathroom with a towel in your hips and I back-hugged you. You were silent. Therefore, I went to the kitchen again. I could hear the drawers being opened. I wanted to stop you, how I wanted to. However, I couldn’t move by myself. I was just waiting everything happen again. You went to the kitchen, both stood up, looking at each other, each one at one opposite of the table, after you let a box with your things in the living room. One more time, I would listen the most painful sentence that I ever could listen from you.

— Huening Kai, I’m leaving. — My eyes suddenly wide-opened and the cup broke against the floor one more time. You left the kitchen without even listen an answer from me.

— Soobin, you can’t do this! — You were gathering your things fastly and putting them into a box. Inside myself, I felt a part of me being put over there. Soobin, I wished I had fought more for us, I wished. I shouldn’t let you leave like this. 

— Kai Kamal Huening, I’m so sorry. I need to do this. — I followed you, while your body dodges through the mess of our kitchen, you were lost, just like me. A cup broken on the floor, the one that I dropped when you told me that you were leaving. You followed to the living room, turning the lamp on so you could catch your things. Your car key, your wallet and some other clothes that were thrown in the couch. Took your books off the shelf and put them into the box. 

— I’m begging you. Comply your promise, Soobin-ah! I swear that I’ll be better, I swear that I’ll be a better boyfriend for you, I swear that- — When I hold up your wrist, you pulled it, dropping me on the floor. My body shocked against the rug and I looked you on the front of the door. The moonlight was shining on me while the lamp over the desk was my only light. As soon you opened the door, the hallway’s light invaded my vision.

I would hear that again, I would suffer with that again. But, this time, it would be the last time, Soobin. I wanted you to stay with me and don’t let me forsaken in the lonely moonlight. I wanted you to be by my side until nowadays, we would still do snowmen in the winter, we would still listen to the Lover vinyls, and we would still take many pictures together. I wanted you here, by my side. It hurts me so much, Soobin. Loving you hurts me. It’s so painful, you don’t realize how much is it. That’s why I need to hear this one more time. Do I need to lose you to love me? Why is this so unfair? Why Soobin, why? 

—The problem isn’t with you, Huening Kai. The problem is that I can’t love you anymore. I don’t love you anymore that’s why I have to go. Goodbye. — You spoke and closed the door, leaving me in the worst pain that anyone could suffer. The goodbye’s pain. You left me forsaken on that rug. The tears accumulated in my eyes.

— Soobin… NO! SOOBIN, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS! I LOVE YOU, SOOBIN. CHOI SOOBIN, I STILL LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU, PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE, SOOBIN! SOOBIN!... — The tears interrupts my sentences. You broke me. I was crying loudly while I was calling your name, I was calling for you. I was hoping that you still be there, outside, hoping that you would comeback when you hear me crying for you. I was hoping you could love me back again right there, Soobin. I loved you, Soobin. But, you once said that the younger heart should not be afraid of the dark. However, I was afraid. Because you were my light and you turned it off when you left by that door.

Suddenly, the rug and I was moving. The same flashback. The memories rewinding, but they were fading away this time. The voices were slowly fading away too while it was being rewound. It wasn’t distorted like the other time, I could hear it.

 _— I love you Huening Kai, and I’ll always love you. —_ The last sentence that I could hear; a lie.

And suddenly, all the voices stopped. My mind stayed in a total darkness. What was happening…? 

I woke up a little bit later, with the doctor looking at me. When I opened my eyes, with a kinda tipsy vision, she turned off the television where it was exposed that the process was concluded. My head was hurting.

— Hello, mr. Huening Kai. How are you? — I was somewhat lost. It was like, as if had a hole on my timeline. I didn’t feel nothing. I couldn’t remember the expressions, I don’t know who this person was. I only know that was he. But, who is he?

— I’m fine, thanks, just a little headache. — The doctor smiled at me and disconnected the helmet from my head.

— Okay, everything is fine! — She pushed a box to underneath the desk. I couldn’t remember exactly what that I have done. The doctor greeted me and I smiled. I only knew that my heart wasn’t aching anymore and I don’t want to cry. Am I free? 

When I get out from the ETERNITY clinic, I was feeling a little strange. It was like there was a hole in my timeline and I didn’t know how I ended up there. What if I drank too much and went to the hospital? Shook my head, denying it and entered into the café in front of the clinic.

Caught my phone, saw the clock and bought a cappuccino among a chocolate muffin. Sat down in one of the tables, and smile, finally could breath after a mad day. It was as if everything was erased since I saw Taehyun and his friends the last time. Was it yesterday?

Suddenly, a brown-haired boy entered the store. His eyes met mine, and he said hello from far. I answered, even don’t knowing who he was. He was with another boy. Looked to my phone again and suddenly he were right in front of me. Your green sweatshirt was beautiful, just like him. Your eyes were shining in hope, I was trying to recall whom he was, but nothing came to my mind. Deeply inside, I felt pity of him.

— Huening Kai! Long time no see… How are you? — The boy was talking to me. How could I talk to someone whom I don’t know? What is your name, stranger? I didn’t recognize him. I don’t know him. What do I call you, stranger? 

— Ah… sorry, do I know you? — I bowed my head in shame and his eyes wide-opened towards me, he was confused just like me. Messed with your hair and looked me again.

— Huening Kai, don’t play silly beggars with me. Don’t you remember me? — He pointed at his own face. — It’s me, Soobin. — He said, looking into my eyes. My confused face made his sparkling eyes lose the sparkles.

— I’m so sorry, but I don’t know you. I’m not lying, I can’t lie actually. You’re a stranger to me. Sorry, what do I call you? Soobin, right? — A black and white memory invaded my thoughts and I felt a little pain. A panda head boy hugging me. Looked to the boy in front of me. It wasn’t the same person. Why do I feel that I should know him from somewhere? 

The boy stamped his feet and left the café, leaving me alone. I ran to the café’s showcase where I could see the street. I saw him run away while his hands were on this face. He was crying. I followed him with my eyes. His friend run away towards him a little later, after glare me, and I was confused. The cloudy sky suddenly became a dark sky, what the hell?

— Soo-soobin? — I looked to the showcase again, and put my hand on the glass. I couldn’t stop looking to the end of the street, where the boy passed by. I felt something aching in my heart and suddenly, one lonely tear escaped from my left eye. I touched my heart while I continued staring the showcase. Suddenly, my own reflection was my focus. With the hand on my chest, in my heart, I looked to myself and said:

— Soobin… —

~~" — We used to hold each other so tightly… so, what do I call you now? — "~~


End file.
